Oh my word I've been bad about blogging here. I feel positively terrible about it. I just completely forgot.
So here I am on a Tuesday.
Which is interesting, because that's when my church choir practice takes place. And it's something I've been thinking needs some other view points.
See. I actually quit this choir last year. Because there was only so much nonsense that I could handle and still tolerate the amount of time required to do that. It's only one hour a week, but it's one hour I could use for something else.
The reason why I'm going back, is that everyone insisted that if I stayed away, the people that made the choir a miserable experience would continue. Also, I was assured that things would change this year and, since I used to enjoy singing for my church, I thought it might be a good idea to give it another chance. I even sacrificed time with my small group in order to go back.
And... I don't know if that was the right decision. The damage was done. I'm not the same as I was then. I can't just be naturally friendly to them. I can be friendly, but it's not sincere. Because although most of them didn't so anything to hurt me, they didn't do anything to protect me, which is something I would have done for them before.
Now I don't care. And since I don't care, should I even be there?
5 comments:
If I were God this what my advice would be;
"Ah Misha, you have the picture upside down, you are not singing for the church my child, you are singing for me. I love the sound of your voice and miss you when you go away. Stay, it's OK. If you do leave, I will understand but just want you to know I'll miss the beauty of the words you lift up to me in worship. Bless you my child, Dad."
Fake sincerity and a lack of caring will show and make things even more strained. You being at this group will not stop the ones who ruined it for you the first time around. If anything they'll be happy their old target is back. I say walk away, there is only do much free time. Pick and choose if you really *have* to do something that makes you unhappy for any reason.
Hmm, I don't know... the only thing I can think of is, do you still enjoy singing with them, forgetting about personal interactions?
Move on
It's hard when people that you trust let you down isn't it? I am a big believer in talking things out. I find that sometimes the other person has had the same feelings or has not been able to see the other side or maybe were scared to approach the subject. A lot of healing can begin with just talking. I still have times when I go back to that place where I feel badly or get mad all over again.then I have to remind myself...that I can't stay there in that hurt place....(because chances are they are not even aware). I have to move on. I can't control them but I sure as heck can control my reactions and what I will do. Once your feelings are out then maybe things will change who knows right? Pray on it. I will send out a little prayer for you too!
Blessings, Joanne
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